


cache

by neonsign



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Marriage, Nohr | Conquest Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 19:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7696078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonsign/pseuds/neonsign
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sitting around and talking, really getting to know one another – between Lord Leon and now Kamui, and even Odin in his way, it’s a pleasure he’s known much of lately. <i>You get what you give</i>, someone told him once. Faced with cruelty from an innocent age, he’s thought for a long time that can’t possibly be true, and now he knows for a fact. There’s nothing he’s done to deserve the love he’s surrounded by.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cache

Sheltered little lord that he is, Kamui has countless bizarre habits.

One is the face touching. He often traces the lines of Zero’s face as they lie in bed – the length of his nose, the curve of his lips, he cups his cheek and brushes his thumb over his cheekbone. The first time it happens, Zero figures that Kamui thinks he’s asleep, but when he opens his eyes, Kamui only smiles. He doesn’t look embarrassed about being caught. He presses a kiss to the lid of Zero’s empty socket.

In fact, Kamui is always touching. Not just Zero, but everyone. Standing with arms linked with Elise or touching Suzukaze’s while they talk, resting his head on Camilla’s shoulder when they sit together, fixing Felicia’s twisted headpiece instead of just telling her – it goes on and on. During a visit to the capital to report to the king, Kamui kisses the hands of ladies of the court, setting tongues wagging and gossip mills turning, and Zero watches from Lord Leon’s side, wondering bitterly what kind of antiquated etiquette lessons he got in the Northern Fortress.

“I’ve never done something like that before,” is all Kamui has to say for himself, laughing behind a hand that doesn’t yet have a ring. “I thought it would be fun. They seemed to enjoy it.”

Another habit is the rocks he collects, the ones he always keeps beside his bed. Not the ore the army uses for forging, but stones he picks up while they march. There was one incident where he stooped over in the middle of the road and nearly toppled an entire unit in a domino effect – all for these common, useless rocks. He collects and polishes them until they shine like gemstones.

“With this,” he says, and he holds up a cylindrical wooden canister.  The lid fastens shut with a leather strap that coils around a knob on the side. When Kamui opens it, in spite of himself, Zero leans in. It’s full of sand and polished stones, mostly grey, but a couple light pink ones. “It’s a tumbler – sort of. Makeshift. The blacksmith has a nicer one that you can wind up and leave to its own devices. When I asked him if the technology was Hoshidan, he gave me this and told me to stop asking questions.”

Sheltered little lord that he is, Kamui most likely finds it a fun and exciting tale of rebellion. Anyone else wouldn’t have gotten away with insinuating such a thing, let alone with a gift.

Not long ago, Zero would have scorned him for that; Kamui was the very vision of carefree privilege. But maybe, perhaps, Zero knows him better now and he knows that suffering comes in many forms. Years spent isolated have left their marks on Kamui, marks you can’t see but surface in ways you can, if you’re looking, and Zero’s far beyond being surprised to say that he is.

“And, what – you just shake it?”

“Or roll it.”

Kamui fastens the lid shut and demonstrates. The rocks rattle inside the tumbler, dull and muffled.

“Noisy,” Zero observes.

“I won’t do it while you’re home,” Kamui says, smiling down at his lap.

 Some nights Zero finds him sleeping with a couple of these rocks in his limp fist, different ones every time, though he favours those pale pink ones that look like quartz but aren’t. He falls asleep rolling them around. The clinking noise – he says he likes it. Finds it calming. He says nothing else about it. And when Zero comes home late after a night of serving Lord Leon and climbs in beside him, replacing the rocks with his hand, Kamui squeezes gently and says even less.

Newlyweds that they are, they’re still learning and exploring.

“Home,” Zero repeats.

“Yes.”

Zero takes the tumbler from between Kamui’s hands, opens it, and prods the rocks inside.

“These are worthless, you know,” he says, picking up a grey stone. It’s smooth, cool, a small weight, and it’s almost easy to see the appeal. “Your time would be better spent polishing something more worthwhile.”

Kamui stares at him, looking unimpressed, and a moment later everything sinks in.

“I meant – gems,” Zero says quickly. How low his defenses must be if that went over his head even for a moment. “Gemstones and the like. Even with the war, they’re very in fashion right now and foolish nobles will pay any price.”

The corners of Kamui’s mouth quirk and he plucks the rocks out of Zero’ hands. He grabs another out of the tumbler and rolls them together. The sound _is_ somewhat pleasant.

“I do this for me,” Kamui says. “Selfish, maybe… I suppose you’re right. If I polished gemstones then I could sell them to help supply my command. We’ve got the mines and… I could.”

Kamui looks down at the stones, still rolling them around. Zero does too. As if to amend his slip-up, his mind feeds him ways those delicate hands could better be put to use. Part of him even thinks that he should push it, because there’s no way Kamui isn’t bored with talking to him. The past tells him he’s not worth all this.

Sitting around and talking, really getting to know one another – between Lord Leon and now Kamui, and even Odin in his way, it’s a pleasure he’s known much of lately. _You get what you give,_ someone told him once. Faced with cruelty from an innocent age, he’s thought for a long time that can’t possibly be true, and now he knows for a fact. There’s nothing he’s done to deserve the love he’s surrounded by.

Zero rests his hand over Kamui’s and takes the rocks from him. The tumbler is placed on the floor beside the bed.

“You don’t have to give everything,” Zero tells him softly. Everything Kamui has is tied up in this war. An escape, even if it’s something so simple, is exactly what he needs. Something unrelated to the mayhem around them. “It’s not selfish to keep something for yourself, no matter how small. This war has taken enough from you.”

At the vaguest mention of his Hoshidan family, Kamui’s eyes slide out of focus and he lets Zero push him onto the pillows. That hollow look in his eyes, on anyone else Zero would have taken snide delight in it. Seeing it on Kamui hurts him in a way he’s never been hurt before. There’s nothing pleasurable about this kind of pain. Zero doesn’t want it because Kamui doesn’t want it, and the two of them are connected in a way they never have been before.

“There will be a point where you no longer have to worry about war.” Zero brushes the hair out of Kamui’s face and tells him, “We’ll get there eventually.”

A small and precious smile crosses Kamui’s face but fades fast. Zero slings his arm over Kamui’s waist, finds the bottom of his nightshirt, and slides the hand holding the rocks underneath. The stones are warm from his hand and he rolls them against Kamui’s tense muscles, eliciting a soft appreciative noise.

“That feels nice,” Kamui murmurs.

“I aim to please.”

It continues. The stones make their pleasant sounds, Kamui’s breathing slows, and Zero’s movements become lazier. Before he can fall asleep with the stones in hand, he puts them under Kamui’s pillow. He kisses Kamui’s forehead and strokes his cheek. Kamui smiles lazily. As much as he loves to touch, he loves having the favour returned and Zero knows it well.

“I can’t afford to be distracted from the war, but…” Kamui leans into the touch and Zero’s fingers trail down the side of his face and along his jaw. “I often feel I shouldn’t be so happy, not during all this, but if I didn’t have you then… then I don’t know what I would do.”

Sheltered little lord that he is, Kamui tends to find happiness in the oddest places. The world is a beautiful place to people that have never seen it before. Innocent eyes find beauty in the ugliest things and lonely skin loves any touch.

“You’ll never have to find out,” Zero says. His fingers trace Kamui’s lips. “For as long as you’ll have me, I’ll be with you.”

“Forever, then.”

It’s said so simply. Often it seems Kamui’s only embarrassment comes from other people; if it’s from his own mouth, he’s unabashed. There’s a bizarre disconnect that’s come from years of isolation and being used to himself but unused to others. It’s not confidence, but more a lack of self-awareness, of seeing how he relates to the world around him.

“I’m scared every day of what more this war will cost,” Kamui continues quietly. “I won’t have it take you, too.”

He places his hand over Zero’s, the ring on his finger glinting in the low light, and turns his head to kiss his palm. Zero watches, trying not to notice the red eyes staring at him. A long enough silence passes that Kamui forces an unsure laugh.

“It’s not often I see you without words. Or do you not…”

The darker implications go unsaid but Zero knows what he means. He shakes his head.

“I won’t leave you. I’m afraid I’ve grown far too fond of you.”

Kamui smiles then, wide and natural.

“Good,” he says, “I’m glad.” He gives Zero’s palm a longer kiss and tells him, “I love you.”

As if he uttered something incredibly vulgar, Zero’s heart gives a little thump. There are matching rings on their fingers but, newlyweds that they are, love still sounds sickly sweet.

“I know,” comes out as a whisper and Zero leans in, resting his forehead against Kamui’s as his hand moves to the back of his head, and tangles his fingers in soft white hair. “Somehow, I know.”


End file.
